Weddings had always been an interesting issue to me.
A question had always baffled me:
Truly, for whom is the wedding dinner meant for?
I could never tell if it was solely for the couple themselves, or should it be for the two families that would be soon linked in union.
A wedding I attended two weeks ago(11 Sep to be exact) provided me an insight. Two perhaps.
One, there are wedding styles that are either "Cheena" or "Beng contemporary-wannabe".
Two, never try to hybridize freshmen orientation programmes and wedding dinner.
"Cheena" would describe the culture of southeast asian chinese. Typical Cheena convention would include coming late for wedding dinners(being punctual is tantamount to drooling over the dinner yet to start), wedding gift moneies that are proportional to the number of people attending(it is an enterprise, the guests eventually pay for your wedding dinner) and "Yiam Seng" is to be howled in place of "Cheers" when proposing toasts(in fact, it goes "yiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam.............. seng.")
The second style I mentioned seemed to be a up and coming style, popular among the younger generation I suppose.
It involved programmes, emcees and bad jokes: just like a high school graduation, but imagine your grandaunt and cousins all graduating in the same batch. The couple decided to make a pun out of the Sep 11 incident, and opened the event with an Agent 911 inspecting the audiences for contraband items. The Agent came into the hall, with his sleek groom suit, complete with batik shorts and a bow, and demanded to search an 80 year-old lady for filming devices. After a 30min inspection, the Agent was finally satisfied and the wedding dinner finally commenced with the entry of the newly weds. The event then saw a stream of video, which was supposed to entertain the guests. One of them was on how to happily keep (out) a marriage, another was why the bride and groom ended up each other, adamantly ruling out desperation.
Last but not least, after the toast, the newlyweds were initiated by having the bride, pass a banana through the pants of the groom.(ring a bell?). These really brought me back to the 20th century, when I last had my high school graduation night dinner; albeit I had a better time then.
The experience scarred me, and it incepted, in me, a few questions.
Has the "me" culture overgrown our cultural roots?
Is the wedding for the newlyweds, or the families and friends of them?
Is it really ok to make a joke out of anything?
The last question is one I can answer: Cheena says no, but Beng goes ahead.
Hey weeboon,
ReplyDeleteyour post points out the visible differences in cultural values between the younger and older generation that many families experience today.
I think it depends on the cultural values of individual families. Wedding 1 would definitely be more appropriate for a family that has strong roots in asian chinese culture.
I believe that the wedding should be for both the couple and their families,hence perhaps the most effective scenario would be a wedding that has both elements of wedding 1 and 2, a asian chinese conventional wedding culture mixed with some elements of 'high school graduation' theme. I believe that way, both the older and younger generation can enjoy the wedding! Personally I prefer the 2nd type of wedding, it creates a more light hearted, fun party mood for a joyous wedding occasion.
I can sense your discomfort with such a dinner procedure. It is important to note the bride and groom's view on this. Their perspective may be different and their relatives may be of the same opinion. Many a time, I cannot come to an understanding of certain rituals in a typical ceremony across culture and tradition. Perhaps we have become liberal in our thinking: marriage should be of joyous and graceful affair. Of course then, we may have relatives who think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, so long as they are happy. That matters most I believe :D
missing word:
why the bride and groom ended up WITH each other, adamantly ruling out desperation.
This is an informative, "customized" post, not exactly of an intercultural nature, but interesting nonetheless. I guess what makes it nearly intercultural is the way you blend together the approaches of the "cheena" and the "beng." Thanks for the description and the insights.
ReplyDeleteAs Weiping states in his comment, a good number of weddings (at least ones I have attended) are a hybrid. After all, the mix of generations is inevitable. But isn't the hybrid nature also a question of the socioeconomic status of the couple and of their families? I'd like your thoughts on this.
Certainly doing the comedy on the 9-11 theme is ghastly and peculiar, at least from an American perspective.
I appreciate your effort with this, Wee Boon.
Hey wee boon, this is so interesting! Personally I don't really like to attend weddings unless I'm close to either the bride or the groom, so I am not too familiar with the 'beng' style you mentioned. But hey, I think it would only work well if say you pull off an artful and witty performance, definitely not the 9-11 theme as Brad has mentioned.
ReplyDeleteI find your writing clear, interesting although a little informal at times(but that's what makes a blog fun to read huh :) Thank you for sharing this interesting insight.
Hey guys, thanks for the comments! In view of the wedding trends, I do appreciate that the younger generations are indeed spicing it up, and most of them do suceed in doing, giving the guests an enjoyable evening to remember. To be fair, I was indeed picking on this wedding, perhaps due to the injustice I felt for my aunt and uncle, who are very much tradition and sheer "cheena".
ReplyDeleteDuring the wedding, I was indeed looking forward to a series of great programmes, especially video clips that may be aired. After all, they are both in the visual media industry specializing in film. However, that did not materialize. To be honest, I was truly upset, not just because they did not seem to hold respect for solemn or sombre events, but how it must have ached my aunt's and uncle's hearts.
Marriage should be a joyous affair. It is a part of chinese tradition to hold a wedding banquet for the occasion, to celebrate for the newlyweds and their parents; it is a ritual that has both practical and symbolic values, which I only appreciated as age came. The occasion would be truly joyous if the families and newlyweds felt so.
For the newlyweds, they would probably be happy when the wedding goes on smoothly and in the way they had wanted. For the parents, they would probably want the same thing for the marriage. This can be achieved without much compromise, and it has been tried and done.
Hybrid weddings that marry (pun intended) both the traditional aspects of a wedding and contemporary themes have been held successfully. In my encounter, however, when we bade farewell and give our thanks for the invitation, the bride's frozen smile and the parents' apologetic-looking faces did not seem to say the wedding had been a graceful and joyous sucess for them.
Thanks for your follow up comments, Wee Boon. That clarifies some of the questions I had.
ReplyDeleteHi weeboon,
ReplyDeleteI particularly LOL at this sentence, "It involved programmes, emcees and bad jokes: just like a high school graduation, but imagine your grandaunt and cousins all graduating in the same batch".
From the description of the event, it seemed the newly-weds were adamant against holding a traditional chinese wedding. I don't agree against hybrid weddings, but pulling tacky tricks is really another matter. Haha. Im sure the newly weds had fun, quite to the dismay of their parents.
To your question, " Is the wedding for the newly weds or the family and friends of them', I really think that a wedding is for the couple. If the couple wants a private wedding dinner to express their own (tacky) sense of humour and creativity, they could throw a small one for themselves. However, if family, friends and relatives are invited, then... some fine-tuning is necessary so we don't go overboard with novelty. That's for me lah. I mean, searching an 80-year old lady..>.< Of course, they are free to pleasure themselves/be different for that few hours... but I'm not sure if it really is worthwhile.